Deflection

By reading and studying dementia, it is easy for love ones to pre-mourn a person with dementia. When I moved into mom’s house, the pre-mourning was over whelming. Her house is a shrine of her soul.

Before mom built her house, she found a blue print of her house. In the front of the house, the dining room projected out of the main body of the building with a pointed conical roof. This was similar to the entrance that friends of the family had built on the from to their baking business in Ephraim, Wisconsin (Door County). She spent time modifying the print, by making major changes to the kitchen that made it a better kitchen, and she made the den/office and front bedroom bigger. The house was built to her exact visions of what it would look like after it was built.

Then she took great care in dedicating inside of the house. One the wall to the basement, she installed a quilt with candle holders one both sides. It is a great feature of the house and usually a back drop for taking photos. The living room has well selected oak furniture that is perfectly sized for the room. She put in nice lamps on the furniture tables to well established the room. Each lamp in its place. She has family photos in places to set them off when people pass by in her house. On the south wall there was is a book shelf that she used for photos. On top of the book shelf, she had three photos of her mother, one was of her going to college at what is now the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater (UW-W), and one was church photos in her later years. With the photo of her at the UW-W, there is a writing on the importance of family, and the writing is moving.

Her bedroom is the same way with the correct furniture to accent the room. With her dolls, and some are antique, she has them properly displayed. Her bedroom is like a shrine.

In the front bedroom, the one that I have always used. She has her proper displays in the tops of the dresser and bureau. The are layout with family photos and other nicknacks that are well balanced. If I would move something when I was home, like charging the battery on my watch, she would move it back to its proper place while I was out running around.

Her den/office was filled with photos and writings that meant something to her. A photo of her dad at the Jefferson house pull, and a drawing of her dad coon hunting.

For some reason, mom did revert back to youth from time to time. She stated that her mom would always purchase her saddle shoes. When she when through the Coke Cola Museum in Atlanta, she bought a few souvenirs. Then she stated looking for things to make a Coke display. She ended up with a small red table with two red steel chairs with Coke cushions. On the table she had her souvenirs. Next to the walls as a few Coke bottles. On the wall, there was a Coke picture with Coke top and skirt, similar to the tops and skirts that she grow up with, and there was a set of saddle shoes. This was next to plants, sorry but I do not remember the name of the plants, that she had from her mother.

Before they cleaned the carpeting, they should have taken photos of all mom’s nicknacks. If you go in there today, the Coke display is not the same. In the front bedroom, everything is off of the top of the dresser and bureau. Everything that mom took years for find a proper place for has not been put back where it was when she placed what was really important to her.

Mom’s love for flowers was the same as her mother’s. Grandma did not have the flower displays as mom did around her house, with Grandma having flowers along both sides of the driveway, in the front yard she had a display that held potted plans off of the ground, and she had a few more flower displays around the house.

When it comes to mom’s flower displays, she has a big one around the sidewalk in front of the house. On the front of the house to the south, there is a big flower display, Behind the house, where the porch is, there is a big flower display. In the southwest of the house there is a big flower display, with tress and shrubbery. Then there are flower displays all the way around the house. She bought the lot to the north of the house, and she seeded it down with wild flowers. Although there was some resistance to the wild flower bed when she first planted it, since many people thought that it was a weed lot, people now stop by and complement on how nice the wild flowers look.

When it comes to time, mom’s flowers have really taken a hit, since she cannot get out there and work on these plots herself any more. It seems like the flowers in the from of the house have stood up to time, but the ones in the back of the house need some real help. Unfortunately, my college degrees are in math and science, and not botany. So, in the summer, I would buy hanging flowers, since I could water them. I had no idea on how to take care of the existing flowers. As for her wildflowers in the lot north of her house, I would cut the weed out, I would take mom out to her wildflowers often, and sometimes I would have her watch me pull the weeds our, and people.

By walking around mom’s house from the flower gardens to the nicknacks, she has open exposed her soul. As most people know, it is hard to expose a persons soul, as many have found through counseling to proved for a better life. But, as for mom, she wants everyone to see her soul. Ten years ago, she was so proud of her flower gardens, and she wanted everyone to see them. When people came in her house, every room was emasculate with her soul proudly displayed. Although her nicknacks display her soul, but she has written information on the walls for people to read her soul, as in the written right by the front door. This is a copy of the writing that her sister and husband had near the door coming into their house that I can remember today, although my aunt passed away when I was in grade school.

I am really dishearten walking around the inside of mom’s house, with her nicknack not being in the place that she put then, and it is like part of her soul is gone.

I find it hard to walk around mom’s house, since time has distorted her flower gardens. The hours of work that she put into the gardens is being absorbed back into Mother. It is like part of her soul is gone. Although it is sad, it is part of life and time moves on whether we are there or not…

Mom’s house is a reflection of her soul, and she has wanted everyone come along and view her soul. As for most people, they want to hid their soul, since it is too hard for most people to let others see their soul. As we find in our current times, more people are not allowing people to see their souls, as can be seen by people not entering others in their house, the lack of family gatherings, and the adoption of pets. But, as can be seen by mom’s house, she enjoyed people seeing her soul.

For people that clean carpets in the elderly homes, it almost seems like they would take photographs of the nicknacks before moving the furniture, so that the house looked the same as they elderly person had placed the furniture and nicknacks. As for mom, it is clear that her mind is not what it was at the time that she placed the furniture and nicknacks, but it is clear that she is uncomfortable when her furniture and nicknacks are not in the same place that she put them years ago. There would be times when I would take her by her hand walking around her house and we would stop in her bedroom so that she could see her doll collection that means everything to her; we would walk into my bedroom and she could see the photos of place that we went to on vacation together and she would look at her nicknacks on the tops of the dresser and bureau; into her office/den that was packed with photos, including photos of her dad at a horse pull in Jefferson by her sister and a sketch of her dad coon hunting, writings, and nicknacks on the office furniture; go into the kitchen where she has her bird house above her cabinets and flower around the insider of the windows; then into to the living room to see family photos and more flowers; and finally into her sun room with the coke display and a flower from her mom. I must say that she felt so much comfort finding her things where she put them. I am, also, sure that people that work with the elderly everyday can see how important the placement of their furniture and nicknacks are for them.

Since I have been a snowbird, and the carpet was cleaned since I was gone, I am not sure how I am going to feel upon my return with the furniture and nicknacks not back in the place that they were when I left. My first thought is that I will be very angry, since the house does not reflect my mom’s soul. Or, since I have had some time to get over it, will I feel that it is part of her soul that is already gone?

There are times, when I am alone in mom’s house, it is hard for me to be there, since I just feel her soul penetrating into my soul. Her house is her soul. It just comes down to the fact that dementia and death are so incredibly hard to understand, when we have seen people so vibrant.

Roger