Deflection

While I was living in Iowa, I was viewing my mom’s dementia from an arm’s reach, without any details in the disease itself. People would state that the dementia people got frustrated by what they could not do anymore. As I saw the situation at the time, it was like they had lost enough gray matter to not know what they were missing, and this maybe true. But, by closely observing mom after I moved into mom’s house, I found that she was living a life of total fear that controlled every part of her life. 

As I have studied dementia since I moved in with mom, there is more going on with the brain than just the lost of gray matter, since the plaque grows between the skull and the brain, there are folds in the brain as it shrinks, and the flow of spinal fluid is compromised as it flows between the skull and brain. As the spinal fluid flows differently between the brain and skull, it does affect the patient’s mood by the hour, and it affects their long term and short memory. Therefore, when they do not understand what is going on their environment, they feel fear, and their fear can come out as aggression. 

When mom was in grade school, an other grade school girl was abducted in rural Fort Atkinson. After the school bus let her off at the driveway entrance to her parents farm, she was abducted as she walked down the long driveway to the farm. The girl was never found. Even last year, she would make sure that all of the exterior doors were locked and, with caregivers in the house, she would lock the doors to her bedroom. She would come up to me and state that I do not know what she goes through by not having the doors locked. As for here, the fear is real. Actually, during her whole life, she has been concern with her security. 

As for my mom, she broke her femur two years ago during the middle of the coronavirus, she was hospitalized without family being able to see her, and this had a negative affect on her dementia. Regarding her healthy life, this was the first time that institutionalized and it caused her to feel the fear of loneliness, as if she had never felt fear of loneliness when her adult siblings left home when she was a child. When she got home, her hospital had ceased a big increase in her dementia and fear of being a lone. 

When they cannot put their world together, they feel lonely and bored, and they want to go to their fictional home, and this can be hard for the caregiver to understand. As for my mom, she moved into her house built by her exact specification in 2006. As anyone reviews her house, each room; each wall is laid out to her personal character. The house is mom’s soul. (As for me, a family caregiver, it becomes difficult when the mom no longer recognizes her soul.) Therefore, why would a dementia patient ask to go to a fictional home? The home that mom is living in is the home that she personally made for herself. Nevertheless, she does give clues on what she is referring to as she asks to go home, by referring to her parents home. To her, the fictional home is a safe place that includes her parents home filled with her parents, brother, sister, relatives, and friends. This can be a difficult concept for a family caregiver to grasp, when they are so busy just taking care of the love one.

When I when to visit my Grandfather Walton, he would ultimately as to go for a ride through the country side. Since he had farmed for many years, we would look at the corps and other things during our ride. When mom asked to go home, I finally put two and two together. Therefore, I stated taking mom for rides through the country side that include the town of Hebron, her home town, and past her family homestead, but she never really asked to go in the house, since it always looked like no one was home. This did not alway relinquish her fear of being lonely, but it did appease her.

As dementia takes its hold on the patient, their world of interests dissipates, like their hobbies. Other than my mom’s interest in flowers, she did not really have major hobbies, but she was able to keep busy in her retirement. However, regarding a more important point, they no longer can follow the plot to a book or even a TV program, and this limits the actives of the patient. So, the patent fills in their time by doing simple task or sleeping. Regarding using the TV as a time filler, mom will watch Rob Ross, a scenic painter, Rick Steves, a travel channel host, and/or Dr. Oakley, as Yukon Veterinarian. It is also interesting that mom will fold clothes. She folded our clothes since we were kids, but the need to fold clothes is still there in her mind, and this is true of others suffering from dementia. When she really gets going with sun downers, for example, folding clothes will calm her down. These type of activities do refocus her attention and dissipating the feeling of fear. 

She does fear losing both her home and physical independence. As stated above, she believes that she can still take care of the house that she built in 2006, but she cannot. When I first moved in with mom, she was kicking caregivers out of the house with her cane and locking the door. But she cannot clean the house on her own, and, as time goes by, she is now accepting the help. She also believes that she can keep her personal self clean, but the number of unitary infections will prove this idea wrong. As for those that were trying to help keep her clean, they were often pushed away.

Since she now fears going into the doctor’s office, she is not going to go quietly into a nursing home. Since many of the caregivers had worked in nursing homes, they are telling me that a person going into a dementia ward will only last 18 months. Recently Betty McManaway past away after spending just over 1.5 years in dementia ward, just as predicted. As for the caregivers that have worked in the dementia ward, the state that someone with my mom’s demeanor, of highly not wanting to be institutionalized, they only spend about 12 months in the ward. Until mom no longer recognizes her home, the dementia ward is not a good place for her, since it would really bring out her fear. 

In August of 2022, the Mayo Clinic put out a program stressing home care. Even for patients with major surgery, they were stressing home care. This was kind of eye open with the medical staff coming to the home for surgery follow up. The same thing can be stressed for dementia patients, since they seem to strive at home. As for mom’s case, I feel like she has gained a couple of extra years with me being there everyday. The fear of institutionalizing is gone. 

Fear is an assume powerful force that has to be dealt with for everyone. From an emotional point of view, fear will move mountains. It will destroy family or friend relationships. Fear takes no direction on what the outcome will be, since it is all based on emotions. Nevertheless, the dementia people are filled with emotions, since they do not know or have any idea the the course of their lives, so they live in fear and no one that understands their fear can blame them. Their fear will come out as aggressions, just as we feel the fear everyday, but the general public sees their aggressions and does not understand their fear. It is tough to watch them deal with their fear everyday. 

As stated from the beginning, the moods of the dementia people changing almost by the hour, based on the flow of spinal fluid flowing in the brain. I have heard one caregiver state that a dementia person should never be woke up, based on the fluid flowing in their brain. Therefore, each dementia person is going to react differently based on the fluid in their brain, the their personal background, and the environment that they are living in at the time. But, there is one given issue, they are going to live in fear.