Deflection

It seems like every day is a copy of the previous day: overcast, mild winds, and the temperature is 30 degrees plus or minus.  Once again, thinking about dementia. Hope that this essay makes the point. 

Roger

Dementia – They Can Still Love

Although it seems like mom is in the late stages of Stage 4 out of five stages, her demeanor has changed, with her becoming happy, affectionate, and appreciative, but she can become as obstinate as ever.  As for my mom being happy, it is apparent that all dementia patients do not become happy, as from what I have heard from caregivers, they usually become more depressed, by being aggressive. 

As for being happy, she is as happy as I have ever seen her; therefore, I see that she as become attached to me and a loss of memory. Without her memory, she has no reflections of her good or bad experiences; therefore, since she has no recollect, these experiences are gone from the mind. The brain is now filling with current events, if they understand them, it is fill with the happy events. 

Once again, if there is enough of memory left in the brain, the mind will fill with primal feelings, like love. I started by patting the top of mom’s thigh when I sat down beside her. Then she started tapping the top of my thigh. After a few weeks, she was putting her head on my shoulder, despite that it is in the upper of my arm. When you come and see her, her face lights up with usually with, a smile. 

Being appreciative seems to go back to the manners that we were taught as small children.  Unlike adult life when people take manners as part of their lives, mom has a strong sense of when she needs to thank others.  Also, when my grandfather was in a nursing home at the age of 93, he also had good manner in the home.

Mom has been obstinate her whole life. When she graduated from sixth grade, her mom took to buy a new dress.  Since her mom purchased the dress that she wanted for mom and not the dress that she wanted, you can see her expression in the photo that her mom took of her in her new dress. If she decides that she is not going to take her drugs, it is not going to happen and we have to find a different way to administrate her medication. Nothing changes. 

Love is the primal feeling. It is what brings us together, like putting ones hand on the top of another’s love ones thigh.  As the brain deteriorates, love stays, if the person is like my mom.  If I asked her if is fine, she will reply, “I am fine because you are here.” That is a phrase that I will heard in my mind for the rest of my life. As for those that stay away from dementia patients because they cannot love, they are missing a big part of life.