Deflection

I started to write one essay on dementia for this time period and add more essays was more events were observed. But, as I was writing the essay, it kept getting longer and longer and the topics need more explanation. So, I will write my essays in parts with no end in sight.

By living in Iowa, I was only seeing mom’s dementia from an arm’s reach. As I would talk to people about dementia, they kept stating that the person would be frustrated by what they could not do any more. But I kept stating that I felt that they had lost enough gray matter that they would not understand what they are missing. And, as I now more closely observe mom, this may still be true, but I am now finding that I missed another important element of dementia: the fear that they live through every minute.

I am still finding that it is true that they have lost a great amount of gray matter. But, when it comes to there her aggression, it is like we have seen with people many times in the past: FEAR. Mom’s whole life seems to be run by fear. This can be seen so clearly in the sun downer effect. Although I am not sure of what they are fearing for sure, but they are fearing the sun going down. This must remind them of the end, since they get so worked up about everything. But the end of what: end of the day, end of sun shine, end of being around people, or the end of their life. The darkness does bring an end of most activities.

With my mom, until she broke her femur, she had never been institutionalized. And, then with coronavirus, she was in the hospital and rehabilitation without family. After she got home, there was a huge negative effect of her dementia. Now, just to go to the doctor’s office, she is in total fear of being institutionalized. She will not take living in a nursing home at this time. With the fear that she has, she would be on the phone contuously to the four of us.

She really fears not being around people and especially her family. She keeps stating that she want to go home, but what home, since she build the house that she is living in. At times, she has stated that she want to go to her parents house. She asked for her brothers phone number the other day. She keeps asking when people are coming, but I have no idea on who she thinks is coming. It just comes down to her what to be around people, but this is an issue here to with reality. Although she is happy with family here, she will forget that family members were here thirty minutes after they leave. It is all so sad.

If she can be around people. that she can understand, she does perk up. But, with her hearing lost, there are people, like me, that she cannot understand. And, it make her life so bad when she cannot hear others.

Each and every family member see the dementia completely different. For those that hav been around dementia, they have a reality of what the future is all about. In counter perspective, those that have never been around dementia have not idea on what is going on with their love ones. Last year when I was with my medical doctor, he told my about his family situation with his dad, and a dad that he did not get with that well. He stated that for some reason that his dad chose him to move in with as he got older. But, as he got older, the doctor’s siblings would not come out from Boston to see their dad. So, it becomes obvious that all family member struggles differently as their parent’s health declines.

Although mom has lost her gray matter, she is aware everything is in her house. During the day, she travels through out the first floor of the house. In the evening, I can take her to her bedroom and she will be able to get herself ready for bed, get into bed, and turn off the lights. With a dementia unit, she would be confined to a small room and the building may not have much room to walk the number of feet that she is walking per day.

She is not ready for the dementia unit. Although it is hard to determine at this time when she will be ready, it is coming.

As stated in the first paragraph, this is the fist essay with dementia. In the next essays, I will expand on each of the items covered above. Hopefully, by keeping these essay short, it will keep everyone’s interest in my writings.